Apples & Oranges

So the topic of same-sex marriage has been in the news around the DC area almost every night for the past couple of weeks now as Maryland was looking at passing a bill to allow it. It was voted down this past Friday but that's neither here nor there.

What I want to address is that we as a nation are missing the point entirely in my estimation! I'm not going to argue for or against gay rights- nope. But I am going to argue for MARRIAGE! We've done a great job destroying the essence of it in my short time here on earth. Maybe I'm more aware as the years increase but the sentiment against it seems to grow everyday. You see celebrities, politicians and neighbors alike toss it aside as if they're in a casual dating relationship; not  in a God-ordained covenant life long committment to the other as it was designed to be. So here's what I suggest:

Because we all should be able to designate who can speak for us legally, than everyone, ALL OF US, should have a civil union when we choose a partner. Gay, straight, bi . . . whatever. It would be strictly a legally binding agreement between two people for health and financial reasons. Sounds transactional you say? You're dang right! Why should it carry any more weight than that if people aren't approaching it the way it should be and can't agree on who should be allowed to take part? We're just dragging the whole ship down and leaving a whole generation completely at a loss when they are trying to identify what a healthy one looks like. BUT, those of us that want to be recognized as married, BEYOND the civil union, should do so in the church; the state should have no part. I'm all for keeping the beaurocratic mess out of marriage!

But before you go completely beserk on me and cry, "LIBERAL!!!!" think about it. Everyone should have somebody they can have as their legal guardian/partner/pal etc. I don't care if you believe being gay is wrong. But not everyone, even straight people, should get married. As a believer, I recognize that the marriage (not the civil union) I stepped into with Nat was a vow between God, myself and Natalie, with our families as witnesses. We stood before Him and two became one. Yes, the state recognized us as unified but they only cared about it because of tax returns and other junk. They don't give two cents about the God part. It may say it on some document but that's as far as it goes.

I know this would be too much for many people. Letting go of the word "marriage" would just be too big of an obstacle but I honestly believe that in order to save/identify what a true marriage is we need to set aside the word "marriage."  

My daughter. Our gift. His ove.

She fought hard for you little one.

Through cries you came. I sat quietly.

Our hands held as was my breath.

Your cry brought explosions.

My chest was full. The tears came. This was courage and life.

This was holy!

The small and delicate. The whispers. God was with you and in you.

I rocked as your little chest would rise and fall. Your tongue searching.

I came close and whispered in your ear.

You see. I feel.

My daughter. Our gift. His love.

Wrapped tight in a bundled sleep as the world waits. The early morning hours of calm brought rolling emotion. You're so small. Poppa prayed. We circled. We will protect you. I will love and lead you.

My one. My first. I stop, listen and reflect- you are Selah!!!

Drivers-ed all the time around here-

Living in south Florida for 8 years I learned to drive with a, shall we say, . . . purpose. Some would call it aggressive; I call moving in an efficient manner from point A to B. You dart, turn right on red without even coming to a complete stop, yield generally means "keep driving but slow down a bit." There's a lot of blue hairs rolling around the streets to you've got to learn to avoid them from impeding progress. It somewhat of a game. It's just how you drive down there.

Not so much here in the D.C. area.

For a city in such a rush, they move so slow!! Drives me nuts. (But maybe it makes sense as many work for or with the government so there's always desperation and talk complaining about the traffic but no one does anything about it; ya that's it. Just the culture here ; )  Here's my main beefs with the greater D.C. area motorist:

1) People do not turn right on red. I literally have to honk my horn (which is considered highly aggressive here; it's as if all cars are mute on these streets there's so little of it going on) to get them to move. Then when I do use this communication tool, it's as if they're like, "My oh my! What does this young man want? Oh yes, I did forget that it is legal to turn right on red. But I'm not going anywhere until there are absolutely NO cars coming!" Each day home from work I make a right on red or try to. There are three lanes of oncoming traffic but FOUR lanes right after the light as it's an on ramp to 495. So, visualize with me, three before, four after. That means, if you're turning right on red, you'll ALWAYS have a clear lane to turn into even if there is oncoming traffic. But for some inexplicable reason, I'd say 90% of people still wait until the coast is COMPLETELY, and I mean completely, clear. Ridiculous and annoying as the light is a 3 minute light (no exaggeration!)

2) D.C. people also believe the speed limit is just that; the absolute limit at which to travel; not the speed at which you're suppose to maintain while driving as to keep the flow of traffic moving. It's very common for the NoVA resident to cruise at 10 mph below the speed limit and then look at you as if you've gone mad if you're traveling 5 mph above.

3) On ramps/lanes are not places for you to stop!!! The only time you are supposed to stop is at a stop sign or when a red light is in front of you. All other times you should keep moving and merge with other traffic in a smooth and fluid manner. Don't slam on your brakes when the merge lane begins to end, just begin to move over and room will appear. Or beat everyone to the punch and accelerate on the ramp so you have four less cars in front of you. That's how I do it. Feels like you're legally skipping the line ; )

4) Really a sub point of #3 but if you want to change lanes, then change lanes!!! Don't brake and jerkily swerve after seeing that someone is in your blind spot. This is often followed by a moment of panic where excessive braking occurs leading to a chain reaction behind you. You do this instead; think ahead a bit, check your mirrors, even turn your head if need be. If there's a wide open slot, go ahead and move over; it's yours! If you are more of a pre-cautious type, just put on your blinker and wait for an opening WHILE maintaining current speed. If you're 3 lanes to the left and need to exit suddenly on your right; don't D.C. peeps! You don't have the skill to perform such a maneuver. Just keep going and exit at the next available or pull a U turn (but I know how those frighten you.)

So there are my four main complaints. I know it won't change. I also know that if our beloved urbanites around here read this, they'd all agree and not realize that they are who I'm talking about. As I began this rant with . . . drive with purpose ; ) Please and thank you-

Joseph the Afghani-

Written on Sunday, January 23, 2011 at 2:51pm

Walked up to a house this a.m. looking to inquire about a vehicle for sale. A well dressed man, with peppered gray hair and stone blue eyes greeted me outside. He had a gentle voice, thick with a Middle Eastern accent. After going over the car, he invited me inside. As we walked in, I asked why he sold vehicles from his home (a very nice/large home it was; didn’t fit what you’d think an independent used car dealer would have.) Joseph immediately responded, “I used to own a car dealership but the past couple of years were very rough so I had to close. I lost $500,000 the last year I was open. So now I just do what I can from home. Have to pay the bills somehow!” He smiled; wasn’t ashamed or timid in the least. He apologized for the mess that his 5 kids had made as we walked through the kitchen and dining room back to his home office. As we sat down, I asked him when he came to the U.S. He said, “All the way back in 1981.” Always interested in the stories of immigrants, I began a barrage of questions and he freely answered.

Joseph’s journey began in 1978 (the year I was born.) Afghanistan was in a time of turmoil and war. He was 14 at the time and the men in his town were asking his father to hand Joseph and his 5 brothers over so they could join the local militia. Joseph said that he immediately told his father that he had no interest in fighting; especially since it would be against his own people. His father told him there were only two options: fight or leave the country. Joseph decided to leave and crossed over into Iran. He was alone. Not a soul with him as he risked his life to get out of the war zone. He was in Iran for two years holed up in a room he rented in a crappy hotel. He said that he worked day and night selling cigarettes, fixing birdcages and working labor jobs; anything to survive.  He didn’t see his family at all during that time. Finally, his parents said that they would meet him in Pakistan if he could get there. He was now 16. One brother had made it over to the U.S. already so his parents thought maybe the three of them could go next. But saving money and getting the documents in line wasn’t that easy so they spent a year in Pakistan. Again, Joseph did whatever he could to make money. I couldn’t help but say, “But man, you were only a kid! How’d you do it?” He paused what he was writing and looked up, “What else could I do? You do whatever you need to in order to eat. When I was 14, I was equal to a 25 year old American. I had to hustle with grown men and work alongside them. I just had to do it. It didn’t matter that I was treated poorly and had no one. Nobody cared so I just did what needed to be done.” I must have said wow 50 times in the 20 minutes we were talking. Couldn’t get over his drive and perseverance!

But as he wrapped up his story, telling me that his whole family made it over and now live in the DC metro area, he said, “And that is why I love this country . . . there is nothing like it anywhere! At the worst here, is better than the best where I came from. Hard isn’t hard. Why? Because you’re safe and that is priceless! There is no war. Maybe you can’t pay your bills, like I’m having a hard time doing now, but that is very small problem in the grand scheme.” I just sat there and said meekly, “You’re right bud. I can’t fully comprehended or empathize with what it is you’re saying, as I’ve never come close to experiencing what you have, but I hear you. We are blessed. Life is good.” I stood up, shook his hand and thanked him for taking the time to share with me.  He said that he enjoyed it.

As I drove away, and even now 3 hours later, his words keep ringing in my head. His thankfulness even in the midst of major loss he experienced in the past year was contagious.  Good stuff-

So that was today. That was good. Joseph was his name.

No trust= no happiness

                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Written on Friday, November 19, 2010 at 8:50am

True happiness can't exist without trust. 

Yup- I'm convinced of that. Had a conversation with a friend yesterday that reminded me of this. Yet again our culture doesn't seem to realize what it's doing to itself. In the age of "me first" and "whatever makes you happy", we've short circuited the process by which happiness and joy are natural by products. Try having a friendship, any relationship for that matter, without a basic element of trust. Not even a deep set trust but just starting with a sense of "Hey, I trust this guy." Without it, the relationship goes absolutely no where. You have interactions/transactions but there's nothing beyond that. Unconsciously your thoughts are full of questions and strategies to limit personal damage. It's exhausting. How can any form of happiness survive in that climate? It can't; fundamentally! You might have "victories" and moments of satisfaction but there's nothing that can last. In order for happiness to be cultivated in a relationship, both parties have to be for the other; not for self. Obviously, we all make selfish choices each day but in the department of honesty, if we snowball small lies to our mate or friend, the whole strength of the relationship starts to weaken. Doubt fills the holes created. Why? Because the trust is leaving and, with it, the healthy relationship. We start running; scared to death. Dishonesty is essentially selfishness, pride and self preservation (for the short term.) But the battle (and I call it that because it is a ferocious battle) of being truthful, always, so trust can develop, yields huge rewards! In a marriage, it strengthens the bond and gives a depth to your love WAY beyond emotion.

So that's my two cents on it- take it or leave it ; )

Love at first sight-

Written on Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 3:12pm

Today was the day- the day the "theory" of Nat's pregnancy turned into a full motion, awesomely beautiful reality of a little girl on the screen in front of me. Growing, moving, heart beating at 139 bpm . . . you most definitely meet God in those moments. You get to see His genius and gift all wrapped up into a future bundle of joy.

I've always been amazed by our world and the life that resides in it but when a piece of life is yours . . . when you know that you started this in motion and now will nurture it into a full blown person; the thought staggers you. My mind bounced from love at first sight to taking a walk with my future daughter and picking a flower for her to seeing my wife in a new light. All stunning in their own right.

I believe there are few moments in life when you experience the essence of love- today was one of them. Tried hard to keep my hands back from touching the screen. It drew me in; sat captivated. A completely different kind of beauty. Nat was cute laying there on the table. She was glowing and giggling. Loving seeing her daughter and her incredibly tiny arms and hands folded across her face as she slept. You could see the twinkle in her eye when the doc said all was well as the little legs kicked gently. Truly a moment when you wish someone could record your soul-

As a man, I felt a this mantle of protection fall. Giving Nat a hug, all I could eek out was, "I will protect and love you to always."  Immense responsibility but not in an overwhelming way but rather just answering a call. It was as if something deep inside turned on and put into motion this intimate sense of sacrifice.

I pray that today remains fresh when life gets hard and when I'm tired. That I remember that each day is a gift . . . Amen.

Muslims and McDonald's

Written on Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 1:10pm

The country agrees (for the most part), according to unbiased polls (?) that freedom of a religion is a right . . . cool. But many argue that doesn’t matter now, that sensitivity trumps constitution.

Not so good.

I get what the fuss is about. Really do. Didn’t lose anyone in 9/11 but knew a few who worked in those buildings and made it through that horrible day. But I ask this question: Is this the first time in our history that someone has been afraid of/hurt by another’s choice or thought it may be harmful to their way of life? Heck no! Granted this current issue is on a national scale but it’s no more insensitive and potentially damaging to our society as a whole than when . . .

*a new McDonald’s boasting of “healthier options” opens in a neighbor where half the people are obese and dying of congestive heart failure or diabetes and offers them all free meal coupons (only with purchase of 3 items from the dessert menu)

* a pharmaceutical company markets and sells a drug to the masses knowing full well it’s long term side effects can be lethal but steam rolls a widow when she tries to expose how it killed her husband

* a health insurance company pays for abortions, no questions asked, but won’t cover fertility treatments for a mother who is struggling to conceive

* American Indians are largely written out of history or their stories are edited to make their experience MUCH less painful/devastating than it really was (but please, continue to dress up and do your cultural dances for us)

* tens of thousands of Americans proudly slap stickers of the Confederate flag on their car knowing full well what the same flag means to African Americans ("What do you mean? I'm just proud of being from the south?" all said with a bewildered look on face.)

* a church in Gainesville is going to hold a Qur’an burning on their lawn on 9/11 (just like Jesus would do)

* yet another TV show pops up that applauds extra marital affairs and other promiscuous behavior which causes a recently divorced person that has experienced the very real destructiveness of such behavior, to feel that pain re-open with each commercial (c'mon- it's just TV, my kids love that they have two houses to choose from now)

* American citizens hold signs reading “Your son died because God is judging our country” and “God hates fags!” at a fallen soldiers funeral

(but please join our church for worship this Sunday at 11 a.m.- food is served after!)

So yes, see it or not, we are surrounded by insensitive decisions that are possibly more damaging to our society than that of one Muslim community center near the 9/11 epicenter. It may be scarier to certain people but it doesn’t spell the end of America as some suggest. So please, do continue to get angry at all Muslims- curse them out! Throw rocks through their windows. Tell them to get out of our country but just do so in a loving, calm and sensitive manner.